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17 August 2012

MASTAA WA MVUA NGUO HEMED


Hemed Suleiman a.k.a PHD.
Na Hamida Hassan
BAADA ya hivi karibuni msanii wa filamu, Hemed Suleiman a.k.a PHD kutamba kuwa ametembea na mastaa 32, huku akijinadi kutotumia kondom wakati mwingine, baadhi ya mademu mastaa ‘wamemvua nguo’, Ijumaa linakuhabarisha.
Wakizungumza na Ijumaa kwa nyakati tofauti mastaa hao wameonesha kukereka na maneno hayo na kusema alichokifanya Hemed kimemchafua mbele ya jamii.
“Kwa kweli amejishushia heshima sana mbele ya jamii, wala hawezi kusifiwa kwa hilo kwani ni la kijinga,” alisema staa mmoja mwenye jina kubwa ambaye aliomba hifadhi ya jina lake kuepuka bifu.
Aunt Ezekiel
“Akili zake si mzuri, kujisifia haimaanishi ni rijali kuliko wengine, ni upuuzi na ni hatari hasa ukichukulia kwamba kuna gonjwa la Ukimwi.”
Nisha
“Kusema hivyo atakuwa ameamua mwenyewe ila ametudhalilisha kwani ni bora kuwataja kuliko kuishia kutaja idadi kubwa, ila mimi simo.”
Thea
“Ni kukosa busara, anaonekana anatafuta umaarufu, tu bora angetaja hao aliotembea nao.”
Jack wa Chuz
“Hemed si taipu yangu kwa hiyo hata kwenye hiyo listi yake simo ila ningemuona mjanja kama angewataja.”
Jack Dustan
“Alichokifanya wala si kizuri, eti katembea na mastaa 32, ili iweje sasa? Atakuwa amekosa la kufanya ndo’ maana ....”
Rose Ndauka
“Kila mtu ana akili yake, siwezi kusema amekosea kutoa maneno hayo kwani akili yake ndiyo imemtuna na kila mtu ana maisha yake, ninachoshukuru mimi simo.”
Hivi karibuni Hemed alitoa maneno yaliyowashangaza wengi pale alipokuwa akifanya mahojiano na Blog ya Mvutokwanza na kuulizwa idadi ya mastaa aliotembea nao ambapo alisema:
“Unauliza kengele kanisani? Unadhani kwa nini naitwa Hemed PHD? Nina taaluma ya kucheza na mioyo ya mabinti hawa wa Kibongo ila tatizo hawanivutii, huwa napita tu. Mpaka sasa nishawapitia mastaa 32....”
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VARMAELEN COMFIRMED AS A NEW ARSENAL CAPTAIN

CAPTAINCY

Vermaelen and Arteta during the Club's pre-season tour
Barclays Premier League Arsenal Match Menu Sunderland
Arsenal v Sunderland
Barclays Premier League
Saturday, August 18, 2012, 15:00

Vermaelen confirmed as new Arsenal captain

By Chris Harris

Thomas Vermaelen is the new Arsenal captain.

The Belgian centre back wore the armband in pre-season and Arsène Wenger has confirmed that he will take on the job permanently after the Club agreed terms to sell Robin van Persie to Manchester United.

Spanish midfielder Mikel Arteta has succeeded Vermaelen as Arsenal's vice-captain.

"It is Vermaelen and Arteta," said Wenger at his pre-match press conference on Friday.

"Vermaelen was vice-captain, so it is a quick decision. I think we have many potential captains in the squad, but at the moment it will be like that."

ROBIN VAN PARSIE

www.goal.com
 
Robin Van Persie - Arsene Wenger - Arsenal
Getty
Well this is it, everyone.

You are literally hours away from the first matches of the 2012-13 English Premier League season. No more speculation, no more rumors, no more questions about form/injuries/Mario Balotelli’s fashion sense. It’s all over. The season is here and we can finally move forward.

Our current champion is Manchester City. On Saturday (and Sunday and Monday), 19 other teams will kick off, thinking that maybe it’s their year to raise the trophy. Well, maybe more like six teams, but you get the point. Everyone is optimistic. Like one long episode of The Brady Bunch.

Then, as it tends to, teams realize that maybe mid-table is good enough. Then the bottom half. Then simply staying up. You get that picture. We’ll leave all that dreary talk for Christmas time. Keep us grounded.

For now though, the excitement and thrill of a new campaign is thoroughly engulfing every EPL fan from San Francisco to Shanghai. From Boston to Bangladesh. We’ve all got the fever...and you guessed it, the only cure is watching Howard Webb’s little shiny dome blow the whistle to officially start the season.

Follow SHANE EVANS on

As we discussed last week, the summer has been pretty wild. Some good signings, some real questionable ones and we hadn’t even got to the biggest. Yes, Robin van Persie is now all-but-officially a Manchester United player. Pretty crazy, right? In today’s column, we’ll talk the silver-haired Dutchman’s move up the M1/M6 and divvy out some bold predictions for the upcoming year of footy.

It’ll be fun...unlike an episode of The Brady Bunch.

To start though, Van Persie... wow. Not very often does a move come along that will be loved by so many and hated by even more. Arsenal’s entire fanbase is currently up in arms about its club captain deciding to sign with its biggest rival (sorry Spurs, trophies trump geography) Manchester United. He could have gone to Juventus. He could have gone to PSG. He could have maybe even gone to Real Madrid. Who knows. Nope. Instead, RVP will suit up in a very crowed United attack, an attack that will surely drop 18 goals on Arsenal now, instead of the mere eight it managed in the one fixture last season.

First though, the Arsenal perspective on the move, as it obviously has the more pressing concerns.

I’ve been reading the term, "good business" attached to Van Persie’s deal practically everywhere I see his rosy-cheeked face. Good. Business. That is one of those terms that is so overused that people have flat out forgot what it means. There is absolutely nothing about this transfer that is "good business" for Arsenal.

From a straight "business" standpoint, the club sold its most productive player to one of the four or five clubs that it's trying to compete with. However, this point has been taken lightly by Arsene Wenger as he has been known to do similar in the very recent past. No matter how you spin it, this doesn’t make sense.

The reported fee is in the £20 million range. Considering his production last year, it’s a steal for United. For Arsenal, it’s a tidy fee that could have been received elsewhere. If I am Wenger, which I understand I am not, under no circumstances would I see him within the division. That is not good business.

Oh but he gets hurt a lot and he’s 29 and he’s on the last year of his deal. It doesn’t matter. These stipulations do not mean that selling him to United means good business. It means that £20 million is a lot of money we’ll take it. Every other part of the transfer reeks of desperation and weakness. Gooner fans, you should feel proud.

So to summarize, this transfer is not "good business." That's what I tell myself when I buy double feature Arnold Schwarzenegger movies on DVD because they are $7.99. Two movies, everyone! Can’t beat that. RVP to Manchester United? Not so much.

Now that he is a Red Devil, how will he fit in? Well, United has an embarrassment of riches (good for business) at the forward position and will be spearheaded by the EPL’s top two scorer’s in 11-12, Wayne Rooney and the aforementioned Van Persie. From there, Sir Alex has Danny Welbeck, Chicharito and Dimitar Berbatov at his disposal. He’ll make it work... how could he not?

With that out of the way, let’s jump into some season’s predictions courtesy of everyone (it’s just me really) at TFE. I’ll close this section with my complete league table AND two match previews to kick things off. Bippity boppity show me the zoppity

KUONDOKA KWA ROBIN VAN PARSIE

siku zote mm ninaamin arsenal wenger kaisha fikia mwisho wake haina haja ya kunganga kuendelea kuwa kocha kila mashabiki wa arsenal hawana furaha hiyo yote inatokana na ubahili wa wenger inatakiwa tubadilike leo  VAN PARSIE  kaondoka kesho utasikia WALCOT nae anataka kuondoka
ina maana sisi ni wa2 wa kubomoa tuu ha2jengi